“Love No Matter What” by Brenda Garrison is a book that talks about loving your children regardless of the decisions they make in life and whether or not you agree with those decisions.
The book comes from Garrison’s own struggles with her daughter Katie who also contributes to the book. She talks about various social problems from her own daughter wanting to move out before they thought she was ready to kids who have drug and alcohol problems.
I think there is some good advice in the book, however, I feel there is to much suggestion to be passive. One example was when Katie told her parents she was going to move out. She asked for her college money that her parents had saved in order to pay her living expenses. The reason given in the book to give her the money was “It was time for Katie to learn some hard lessons and for us to let her go – college money included.” In Garrison’s own words she says they could have withheld the money but it would have been a moot point. It may have been a waste of time to argue the point but as a parent I am not going to fund something I think is wrong for my child. While I may not be able to stop them from doing things I disagree with once they are older I sure don’t have to finance it.
Children grow up and make mistakes but the way the examples in this book say to handle them suggests that we should just watch them fall in order to save the relationship with our children. I think this is a broad statement to make as every parent’s relationship with their child is going to be different than the next and to infer that providing your guidance and advice might harm the relationship so we should sit on the sidelines and watch I think is a wrong suggestion. Yes, sometimes you have to let your kids fail in order for them to learn but that doesn’t mean you don’t offer the advice or just agree to allow them to do something just to avoid conflict.
While my biggest critique is a large one I feel that some valid points are woven throughout the book. “It is what it is” is a great message for parents to relieve guilt they may feel when their child has done something they feel like they taught better. The book drives home the message that our children will grow up and are not copies of ourselves so we cannot expect them to do things like us and when they do something we don’t agree with it isn’t necessarily because we didn’t do something right as a parent. Children grow up and have personalities of their own and no matter how close to perfect (can you get close to parenting perfectly?) you can parent you cannot change that fact.
If you would like to get other peoples point of view or purchase the book you can do so on Amazon.
*Note: I received a copy of this book at no charge in exchange for my honest review.*
